What do you believe in?
Or should I be asking myself that?
Sometimes I wonder that myself but if I have to name it, it’ll be spiritualism. I don’t really have a religion I follow. Doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in everything else either. I believe that everything exists– or did exist at some point in history. I mean, there are stories about it so they must have some kind of origin.
Today, I want to write about numerology. Well.. MY numerology. Since I always get confuse about myself sometimes or most of the times. I mean, I always need constant reminders of who I am since I have a short attention span. And when I read things about myself, like numerology and horoscopes, I feel like I’m a contradiction.
So I’m a number 6. And they’re like these kind and self-sacrificing people except according to my soul urge (which is a number 8) power, status, and success is VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. Which I relate to them both. But it makes it hard for me to decide which one it is that I want cause you know, they’re both so dominant. Now that I think about it, I actually go back and forth into a nice person and then a mean one. Kinda like having a angel and a devil on my shoulders telling me what to do. Sounds familiar if I ask you to guess my western horoscope?
YEAH. This perfectly describes a Gemini AND I AM A GEMINI. I can only shake my head.. like literally. I confuse my own brain too since my emotions get in the way of what’s supposed to be logical. SAD LIFE.
Anyway, aside from that crazy almost didn’t mix TOO well combination, my life path number is a 9. And OMG where do I begin? Well, it says I have a dramatic energy/flair with a abundance of strong engraved feelings. Which is so true cause… I get so flared up when I talk about things that matters to me. NOW IMAGINE ME WITH THAT ENERGY WITH THE COMPASSIONATE HEART THAT LITERALLY CRAVES POWER.
Am I crazy to think that I’m actually crazy?
Or does this combo bode well for me? My mind can’t really seem to wrap across it still. And let me tell you, I go read this once every other quarterly to a half year or so. AND I AM AT A QUARTERLY LIFE CRISIS RIGHT NOW AND WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING?! I guess look at my numerology was one of them. HAHAHAHA.
Recently, I’ve been applying for jobs left and right for the past year. And nothing really jumps out at me. Maybe besides the ones that wants me to work right away and burn all bridges (which I will never do unless I solely hate that company), I have these unsettling feelings. And sometimes I get these anxiety that comes out of nowhere. I’d like to think I’m crazy. And also that I don’t want to work there. Or that it’s not my calling. OR SOMETHING. Because every time I have these anxiety that is just waiting to pounce on me more, I decline the interview.
You just read that right?
YEAH I HAD TO DECLINE THEM TO STOP FEELING CRAZY.
Maybe I just suck. I really hope that I suck at these things because I don’t really want to lean over me being crazy. Yet.
Anyway, apparently my profession aligns closely to my personality and wants. Or somewhere near there. I’ve sought tarot readers (i.e. MY SISTER) and my boss (he’s a psychic) and I don’t know what to do. That’s also my problem, I can’t decide anything and stick with it. Such a typical Gemini. Oh wait, was that my Cancer side instead? (Yeah, I was born around the time Cancer was rising so my sister keeps calling me Half Gemini.) Well whatever really, I just feel lost. Like everyone else. My life isn’t hard. Not THAT hard anyway. I struggle along with everyone else too, although we may not struggle the same thing but… we all struggle in our own paths. And that helps me endure these empty feelings in order to get past these problems.
Huh, maybe my numerology is right about me..
IT STILL SPELLS TROUBLESOME AND PROBLEMATIC TO ME THOUGH.
I also wonder if recruiters looks at numerology too? Maybe not. It’s too much of a far-fetched thing to do. I mean, I WOULD DO IT but that’s just me. I’ll never land a HR job so I think I should stay away from that. Or try to from now on. They never to give me a chance. I LACK TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYTHING.
I should start on what experiences and passions I have already huh?
What do you think?