Fan Girl

It’s been a LONG while since I wrote but I was JUST thinking to myself about being a fan girl. Especially to the one of the hottest South Korean Boy Band right now, BTS (Bangtan Sonyeodan). Now mind you, I have NEVER…. like NEVER fan girl towards anything. Well, nothing in real life. It is such a mixed feeling because I don’t know how to act if I should ever come across them one day. Maybe I’ll just watch from afar and be happy for them since I do feel really proud and happy for them. They deserved this fame and popularity as they weren’t too popular in their home country. Which makes no sense. I understand that every country has their own trends but seriously? Well, it doesn’t matter now since I’m just glad that all of their hard work paid off and I hope they continue to ride this fame and fortune even further than now. That’s how I feel.

NOW ONTO WHAT I WANTED TO ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT..

So before BTS made it big, I’ve only actually only knew one member and that was RM (whom at the time was known as Rap Mon) and I had a thing for him. His cute smile and personality was what really caught my eye so I made efforts to learn about him and his style of music. I also read online that BTS was originally out together because of him also and I felt that this team was very peculiar in some way. Still can’t really tell why but maybe one day I will figure that out. But overtime, most definitely, I have learned all of their names and faces. I felt that even though I thought of myself as a ‘fan’, was I truly a fan for the right reasons or did I feel something else at the time? Maybe it was just because of RM that I thought I was probably a fan. I mean, I don’t know much about these members personally. Like Suga. HE’S SO HOT. CAUSE HE HAS A BAD BOY IMAGE. HAHAHAHAHA but otherwise he is just straight-up bad ass. And his soft side is just so dreamy. I don’t know much people may agree with me on that. Speaking of soft side, there’s Jimin too. He’s such a cutie. I can see why girls would fall for him. Since… he’s like a marshmallow. Anyway, I should stop here since… I want to keep watching BTS and continue to form my own opinions of them all.

Either way, it was because of RM that I wanted to be a fan where BTS would be proud of calling ME a fan. At least a little bit. There are no reasons why I would be loyal to them or even vice versa. I just don’t know how’d that even happen because at the time, it didn’t seem like no one paid attention to them and I felt that their fanbase was very loyal. At least I felt really loyal to them anyway. There was also a time period where EXO fans would bash on ARMY and I’m just like… wtf? I like EXO too but seriously, yall need to chill and stop picking fights. ANYWAY. That could be one of the reasons why BTS fans are loyal because we can feel their messages that are conveyed in their music. And we can feel their determination and undying passion in each and every music they put out there. And maybe perhaps… that is also why they became popular globally like the eye of the storm.

Like all fans, or some, I would love to actually know at LEAST one of these members but being invisible isn’t all that bad either. Because I know that BTS will continue to do their best and I would rather not be up in their business or personal life since… I want them to continue to make music and that’s all I could keep asking for from them. As some people might say, music is the universal language and BTS has definitely proved this to be true. I wish for everyone to feel the same way as music should be expressed freely to how artists wants their audience to hear it. The world is always changing and I wish RM, Suga, Jimin, V, Jungkook, J-Hope and Jin good luck and I look forward in hearing more of their music. This ARMY here… is happy to have found you and I will keep praying for your well-being. I may not be a die-hard fan but I do consider myself… part of your ARMY.

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Humans

Hello world.
I understand that I’m angry.
I’m angry that I cannot control anyone else’s actions but mine.
But why?

I’m a nobody.
I understand that I mean little to everyone.
That this life of mine holds no other meaning like everyone else.
But why?

It hurts.
It hurts when I see injustice actions towards others.
We’re all on the same boat yet why do others want to inflict pain?
So why?

This world that I live in,
where does all of our worries come from?
We all suffer the same,
yet not one person will ever experience it the same.

Numbers ‚Ȇ Empty

What do you believe in?

Or should I be asking myself that?

Sometimes I wonder that myself but if I have to name it, it’ll be spiritualism. I don’t really have a religion I follow. Doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in everything else either. I believe that everything exists– or did exist at some point in history. I mean, there are stories about it so they must have some kind of origin.

Today, I want to write about numerology. Well.. MY numerology. Since I always get confuse about myself sometimes or most of the times. I mean, I always need constant reminders of who I am since I have a short attention span. And when I read things about myself, like numerology and horoscopes, I feel like I’m a contradiction.

So I’m a number 6. And they’re like these kind and self-sacrificing people except according to my soul urge (which is a number 8) power, status, and success is VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. Which I relate to them both. But it makes it hard for me to decide which one it is that I want cause you know, they’re both so dominant. Now that I think about it, I actually go back and forth into a nice person and then a mean one. Kinda like having a angel and a devil on my shoulders telling me what to do. Sounds familiar if I ask you to guess my western horoscope?

YEAH. This perfectly describes a Gemini AND I AM A GEMINI. I can only shake my head.. like literally. I confuse my own brain too since my emotions get in the way of what’s supposed to be logical. SAD LIFE.

Anyway, aside from that crazy almost didn’t mix TOO well combination, my life path number is a 9. And OMG where do I begin? Well, it says I have a dramatic energy/flair with a abundance of strong engraved feelings. Which is so true cause… I get so flared up when I talk about things that matters to me. NOW IMAGINE ME WITH THAT ENERGY WITH THE COMPASSIONATE HEART THAT LITERALLY CRAVES POWER.

Am I crazy to think that I’m actually crazy?

Or does this combo bode well for me? My mind can’t really seem to wrap across it still. And let me tell you, I go read this once every other quarterly to a half year or so. AND I AM AT A QUARTERLY LIFE CRISIS RIGHT NOW AND WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING?! I guess look at my numerology was one of them. HAHAHAHA.

Recently, I’ve been applying for jobs left and right for the past year. And nothing really jumps out at me. Maybe besides the ones that wants me to work right away and burn all bridges (which I will never do unless I solely hate that company), I have these unsettling feelings. And sometimes I get these anxiety that comes out of nowhere. I’d like to think I’m crazy. And also that I don’t want to work there. Or that it’s not my calling. OR SOMETHING. Because every time I have these anxiety that is just waiting to pounce on me more, I decline the interview.

You just read that right?
YEAH I HAD TO DECLINE THEM TO STOP FEELING CRAZY.

Maybe I just suck. I really hope that I suck at these things because I don’t really want to lean over me being crazy. Yet.

Anyway, apparently my profession aligns closely to my personality and wants. Or somewhere near there. I’ve sought tarot readers (i.e. MY SISTER) and my boss (he’s a psychic) and I don’t know what to do. That’s also my problem, I can’t decide anything and stick with it. Such a typical Gemini. Oh wait, was that my Cancer side instead? (Yeah, I was born around the time Cancer was rising so my sister keeps calling me Half Gemini.) Well whatever really, I just feel lost. Like everyone else. My life isn’t hard. Not THAT hard anyway. I struggle along with everyone else too, although we may not struggle the same thing but… we all struggle in our own paths. And that helps me endure these empty feelings in order to get past these problems.

Huh, maybe my numerology is right about me..

IT STILL SPELLS TROUBLESOME AND PROBLEMATIC TO ME THOUGH.

I also wonder if recruiters looks at numerology too? Maybe not. It’s too much of a far-fetched thing to do. I mean, I WOULD DO IT but that’s just me. I’ll never land a HR job so I think I should stay away from that. Or try to from now on. They never to give me a chance. I LACK TOO MUCH EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYTHING.

I should start on what experiences and passions I have already huh?

 

What do you think?

 

First blog post: A Normal Typical Day. Maybe?

First blog post: A Normal Typical Day. Maybe?

Today has been an interesting day. First off, I did NOT plan on doing this. But thinking about it now I actually do like the idea of “ranting” my daily life (maybe) and at the same time, maybe I can get some thoughts on things to come also. SUCH AS TODAY.

Honestly, where do I even start?

Well, let’s just say I work hard. At least I would like to believe so because my work ethics are pretty good. Or maybe I’m just saying this to make myself look better but whatever. I don’t know and I don’t really care. All I know is that even after working hard and smart, just thinking about this situation baffles me! Please tell me that I’m crazy or at least… well, crazy.

Here’s the story: we had an impossible mission. The team that I work with is REALLY small and my boss– well, everyone higher than us– is expecting this 5 man team (technically¬†three because we’re the only ones certified from start to end) to make at least 700 units (or catheters) AND pack these things in NOT EVEN 10 DAYS. So my boss decided to ask another department to help final pack since… we have a final packers group who were certified to that same processes. And they helped roughly not even half of the total orders. It’s great though, the help I mean. We don’t normally work Fridays but we did. And on that Friday we suffered pretty bad. Calibration went out of date and well, it slowed us down. Three of us were assembling and two of us were packing two orders of 116 units. BY OURSELVES. AND MAKING THE BOXES ARE A KILLER. (Speaking of which, one of the managers tried folding it a couple months back but failed and almost cussed because it was too much work. Quite a cute sight really) So anyway, we finished packing and went back inside to pouch and OMG, I think we’re all just drained. Forty hours plus these extra ten hours just drained us. Like literally, we were robot zombies. Or maybe zombies that are androids by the end of the day? Not too sure but anyway, Monday rolled around and we were trying to get back into gear of WORK HARD DIE HARD and GUESS WHAT??!

They decided we didn’t need 700 units.

YEAH.

WE MADE MORE THAN ENOUGH. All we needed was 600 or so.

SO WHAT DID WE DO? We just blamed it on our luck because we always have bad luck. OR THE WORST LUCK FOR ANY DEPARTMENT IN THAT COMPANY. We seriously blame that on our department’s name. It’s too bad, we can’t change it. YET.

So after push comes to shove, we got a reward–AFTER ASKING FOR IT FOR SO MANY TIMES. Well, I didn’t ask for it. My colleague did. He’s a very straight forward kind of guy but he’s not really professional (but then again, who actually takes Operators/Assemblers seriously?) and he can be such a kid about it (given the fact that he’s not even 24 yet really makes him such a kid, right?). ANYWAY, so we got a reward finally and my boss asked us to think about a reward that we wanted. We gave them a list of “keep dreaming” but hey, they were want we all wanted. And they were affordable or even attainable enough for this small team. It’s what we would appreciate if they could meet our expectations as to how we met theirs but what did we get?

YEAH. You guessed it.

The boss said it wasn’t even possible because what we asked were just too IMPOSSIBLE and all she could do is give us a luncheon.

REALLY? So if we are asking for a short weekend vacation is too much for you? CONSIDERING YOU MADE US WORK UNNECESSARILY HARD TO OUR DEATHS (metaphorically) and want us to continue to meet your expectations? Well, that’s fine with me but give us some credit beside food because we don’t need or want food especially you planned for something that YOU KNEW WAS NOT POSSIBLE BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR PLANNING. Don’t make us your scapegoats or your punching bags. This team has worked too hard for these past years just to make sure that everything is fine and dandy but YOUR INABILITY TO CARE about the job only worsen and made our jobs worst. At the least you could do is TRY like how we TRIED to meet your expectations. Where’s the mutual respect? I guess assemblers are just dirt to you right? I guess since we’re dirt we can take our time on it right? I mean, this small team is just not worth it right? Because otherwise, you would think differently right?

Nah, I guess we’ll just keep dreaming for the day you realize you’re getting nowhere also. I doubt we’ll make mistakes nor will we purposely sabotage the company. If anything, it should be the people and not the company since humans are the ones running, not the name. Oh how I wish that was true. Sometimes anyway.

We work our butts off to the maximum because you guys couldn’t do your jobs correctly? We told you that our raw inventory were low MONTHS ago and yes, it’s not your fault for thinking that it wouldn’t be here on time like a year later BUT IF IT WAS MONTHS AGO, you don’t think you should own up to it because you know… IT WAS MONTHS AGO. We did our best and a luncheon was the BEST that you could do for us? Gee thanks for thinking highly of our efforts and time managing everything else on the line due to your carelessness.. boss.

Like seriously, who takes assemblers seriously nowadays? Yeah, we’re easily replaceable and it’s easy to train and blah blah blah, we don’t need to be taken seriously right?

Yeah well you know, although that may be the case but you also need to realize that without us how can those stupid units have been packed and reach the quota that YOU screwed up on? This team has always tried their best and had the best performance and the least problems compared to all of the other departments but HEY, what do I know? I’m just a operator that is easily replaceable. WELL… LIFE GOES ON.

I must be crazy to think that we’re equals. I mean if there are no difference to humans and we’re all created equally, then I guess job positions with salary or whatever are NOT created equally. In all honest truth, we all face this probably more than once in our lives and I’m sure we don’t like that or would want that. Yet these things happen merely because they have authority in the company. And money is power. Oh wait, I thought it was knowledge that gives you power. Hmm I guess it’s both. Which ones do we have? Definitely not the money. Well, I don’t have the money so it’s really whatever. I’m tired of working for a boss that only sticks to the book AND could care less about how her workers feel. It’s fine if you care about work but when someone or ANYBODY expresses their concerns and feelings to you, are you really going to just sit there and pretend nothing happened?

Yeah, those people irks me to no end.